The Nordeast Sign Shark

It was the perfect evening to start sharking. I knew what I needed, and I knew where I was going. There was a sign on 37th and Polk that has been there for months. A “cheap homes” sign on a phone pole outside a church. Half a year ago I wouldn’t have even known that sign was illegal, it’s so subtle and ambiguous. But that’s how these illegal advertisers survive.

I parked, put on my gear and checked out the sign. Higher than I can reach, good thing I brought my Sharkstick - a garden tool pole with a razor blade attached. This sign had rubber washers holding it in place, but the washers and corrugated plastic are just no match for a sharp blade. I made a V-shaped incision around the top nail, and cut the sign clear down the middle. It came down with no problem.

It was invigorating. I was filled with adrenaline. There was another sign across the street, at the busy intersection of Central and 37th. I got to work on that one, too.

I did my best, but the nails had that thing in hard. I had to leave a strip in place. The perfectionist in me wanted to clean it all up, but they used too many nails and I didn’t want to be careless (I was standing on a berm at this point, about a foot and a half above the sidewalk). I chalked it up as a win.

I thought I was done for the day. But I was buzzing. One more I said, I knew of an ICE DAMS sign in New Brighton that had been there since at least winter. It’s July - shows how little the municipalities can do about this plight, and why I feel the need to help out.

This was the hardest one to get down. As you can see in the picture, I brought in my heavy hitter - the Sharkbar. It’s a pry bar duct taped to a 7 foot plumbing pipe. It’s heavy, and very little can resist it. It’s not very portable, but it does the serious work.

Now I realize I’m far from done, and I go back to Nordeast Minneapolis. I take Johnson St. south, and, well. I find signs on the first three intersections.

I documented locations and got to work. Most of these were low enough to reach and didn’t have washers - anyone could have yanked them down. Well, not anyone. But I did. One sign I felt bad about removing was a hand painted lawn care sign that was nailed in place. But it had been there for awhile, and I’m afraid to say, crossed my line. That sign was illegal by Minneapolis law, and I had the tools to remove it. I did leave the garage sale signs, of course.

Then, I discovered a sign about a half a block off Johnson St., that I saw while pulling these guys down. It was up high, and by a church and alleyway. Surely someone didn’t think that was a good idea.

These College Pro Painters are a real piece of work, my first nemesis with a name. A little online research pulls up their deplorable business practices and general consumer unrest. Right now, I just care about removing their sign spam. Took down the one by the church, and one outside Columbia Park. After talking with a fellow sign shark, these guys are apparently everywhere. Now I know to show no mercy.

The last grab was a good trophy. I almost missed it. Along Central by Columbia Park, on a divided road with nowhere to park, was a Need a Job sign by a bus stop. If I wasn’t already aware of this particular spammer, I might have passed it by or disregarded it. See, “Leah” prints her signs to look hand written in marker. Don’t be fooled. This is a professionally printed corrugated sign, and she has a few variants that are all over town. See some fellow sharkers for more examples.

The sign wasn’t on very well, but I still needed the Sharkstick to cut around the nails. The wind was picking up really bad, with some scattered rain. I feared the sign would blow into traffic, but it dropped right in front of me. This is also why I wear protective gear while I work.

With the weather turning awful and my route coming full circle, I called it quits. I took a picture of my final haul before disposing of the garbage.

For all the pictures, be sure to check out the gallery. I’ll be out again before long, checking the side streets for the sneakier signs. I suspect the more clever spammers have found high traffic areas in the residential corridors, and I plan to learn all their tricks. Nordeast is getting cleaned up, and this shark is hungry for more.

Om nom nom.